Violincello [sīc.]
(Performed Saturday, October 16th, 2021, 4–6pm EST)
The most important recital of my life:
Not only my first recital at Bard, my second recital ever,
but also my coming-out recital, my re-presenting myself to the world and my friends and the communities I inhabit.
As such, it has been really important to me to save, archive, and document it in various forms and platforms, so is accessible to many more than the audience that was able to come in-person.
I have an edited recording of the recital available on YouTube at
The archive of the livestream is also available on YouTube at
Additionally, many of the parts of it are available individually on SoundCloud:
Accompanying materials:
- Program (dark)
- Poster (dark)
- Batches (dark)
- Program (audio narration)
- Batches (light)
- Poster (light)
- Program (light)
Debrief
This is the biggest artistic project I have engaged in, and it is still a work in progress in many ways. Still processing – emotions and data.
The first draft of the recital program was made in early May – and by then I was already pretty committed to the idea. Honestly the draft didnʼt change a whole lot from then, besides the biography which was the most sensitive and delicate part for me. Itʼs nerve-wracking writing trying to present myself authentically, in a way that feels good not only now but also for the foreseeable future.
It was towards this end that I decided I would have to record myself speaking the text of the program to really own it and ensure (or reassure myself) that I was comfortable with it. This finally happened in mid-September – after a long emotional night, I decided that my body was not going to fall asleep anytime soon, so I bundled up and went out into the woods at 3am, and recorded the text of my program. (Thereʼs a pause in the narration from when I was sitting on a log, with just my phone flashlight providing light, and I realized there was a snake slithering only a few feet away from me. Assessing the situation I determined I was not in danger but nevertheless decided to get up from my perch and record the rest of it while walking around.) Afterwards I went home and got a little rest before my 9:30am cello lesson.
But before I went home, the other thing I recorded that night was the text of the snippets that I was pairing with the batches of music. As I explained in my second narration, I had been planning for quite some time to include these batches of music to share some of the journey of my technique of playing these pieces, my personal flair. So, with some assistance, I started typesetting all the batches of music in MuseScore, pairing them with the snippets that felt like they fit together, and then embedding them in the programs for my recital, so each would feature a different one. It has been the most labor intensive part of my recital, but also the special sauce to make it sparkle. (Besides myself, obviously.)
So I recorded the text of the snippets. But later, while I was actually pairing up the text with music, I decided to add
The accessory parts of the program were of course this website, which also necessitated coming up with my ViolonScheelist logo, and putting together the poster. The logo and poster took a few hours each to do, just artistic work in my favorite image editing software. The website is, of course, a work in progress and has sucked up quite a few hours.
Everything came together just in time. A thousand thanks to my supporters in this journey and endeavor. Queer produced, neuroqueer vibes only. I will say that I learned the only person I could 100% rely on was myself – that is partly because I have exacting standards and the unique skillset and determination to see my vision. But for that the opportunities I had to lean on others and receive their support were no less essential, and I knew I could count on my friends to show up, hold me, and also to gently push my comfort zone as I needed.
The work continues however, as I want to transcribe my improvisation, my speaking, and also maybe accompany my speaking with more improv. We will see what I get to!
Afterward
one of the things I wanted to say but forgot to was that I’ve learned that music is a lot about the narratives we construct around it, not about the notes, not even about the composer or the style or x, y, or z …
like what actually draws people to concerts? especially during the pandemic, when everything is online anyways – why listen to Bard’s Beethoven livestream and not a classic recording of Karajan’s?
it’s the human connection – if you know me you’ll want to come to my stuff, especially if I reach out to invite you specifically
plus our ability to tell stories is so much broader than just the notes we play, it’s the whole context of how we set up our concerts
and yet we are musicians, we believe so deeply in the power of notes, and music – now imbued with these deeper narratives of meaning that run not just through the music, but reach out into our lives and the world
so thank you for being part of my social music narrative –
thank you for believing in our shared collective mutual ability to interpret Bach through the lenses of queering and transing